"I woke up wondering why I had two dreams about crap in a row. It's really disturbing. Especially since the crap came into close proximity to my mouth in both dreams. I didn't feel dirty though. I just thought casually about what a dork I was with boys who didn't like me back when I was a kid." Mona
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©2001 david mulhern

I walked into the boy's bathroom after "Benny." This boy was a model of my first unrequited adolescent crush. There were boys at the stalls laughing at me, but I felt very confident about how Benny would respond to my first feeble advances, so I ignored them. There were three stalls and he was seated in the center. Another boy was also seated on his left, so I took the stall to his right. 

I placed a carefully folded love note inside a plastic travel-like soap holder and slid it across the floor... But it went too far!

The boy on Benny's left picked it up. He was laughing and then screaming when I saw him pass the soap holder back. It was full of dookie. It looked like cow manure with undigested straw pieces, and was a dark shade of avocado. He thought Benny was making a pass at him, and Benny didn't understand the manure. I poked my head up over the stall wall to tell him that I was in love with him and that I was sorry for all the crap. I was in the middle stall now, and Ben was in the one I started out in. I had the crap in front of me. 

I turned to the jerk who had passed it over and explained that I was trying to make a pass at Benny and to "take a load off."

I don't know what inspired me to but I grabbed the doo a little in each hand and smeared it onto both the jerk and Ben's heads as I said "take a load off." And laughed. Luckily, they both thought my joke was very funny and laughed with me.

I could tell Benny wasn't too happy about being covered in jerk manure, so I apologized and he kissed me on the face. I kissed him back even though he was covered in crap.

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