"I wake up seriously embarrassed. For some reason, I think I have crap in my mouth and I get up and take a shower and brush my teeth even though I don't have to get up for work for 3 more hours. My boyfriend wakes and asks me what I am up so early for, and when I tell him about my dream... he suggests that I not post it here." Mona

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2001 david mulhern



I was sitting in a health clinic with my boyfriend and hemophiliac brother. The clinic specialized in circulatory and urinary track concerns, so sprinkled all over the place were posters of little stenciled people with mazes of internal passages mapped out on them.

A doctor came out to the waiting room to inform my brother that his need for a liver transplant had become more urgent despite his excellent circulation. (What one had to do with the other, I don't know.) My boyfriend was handed a chart resembling the posters, but on his, the kidney's were throbbing a bright yellow. He is at high risk for kidney stones.

I remember that I am late. We are going to the Nobel Prize banquet so that I can receive a consolation prize. I am hurt, because I was supposed to win; someone outwitted my genius at the last minute.

My boyfriend has to potty first. We go to the co-ed bathroom, and I decide to take care of a monster dookey I'd been storing... don't want to have to go during the banquet.

I think to myself that it is strange for a co-ed bathroom to have such huge slits of visibility in each stall. I can see my boyfriend going about his business as I step into a claustrophobic stall.

The problems escalate from here. The turkey I am trying to set free gets a case of stage fright and stops in the doorway. I push and push to no avail. 

The situation becomes desperate when my boyfriend pounds on the stall door and urges our time constraints. I tell him my "master dook is stuck and give me a minute."

I decide I have to take matters into my own hands (literally) and go in 
after it. I do a little forceps maneuver with one hand and try to clean up the mess I am making with the other. It gets a little graphic and I notice that my boyfriend is observing the whole thing through the slit in my stall. I am horrified and put my hand to my mouth... making matters more messy. 

I wake up embarrassed.

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Date: 07.31.01

Characters: brother, boyfriend, me

Locations: health clinic

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